The Cheesecake Factory

The Cheesecake Factory

2900 Clarendon Blvd

Arlington,VA

i need your help. Every time I ask my friends if they want to have dinner at The Cheesecake Factory they look at me like I asked for bone marrow. Do you think my friends are snobs? Yes I agree, they may not be snobs but they are certainly snobbish.

Recently I made a solo happy hour visit to the Arlington Cheesecake Factory location and it was pretty early so they were not very busy. i asked to sit at the bar area and the hostess said that I could seat myself. I made a bee line for the bank of tables and one of the servers mentioned that all of the tables were reserved for 'later'. I gave her a sideways look because i didn't want to sit there later, i wanted to sit NOW. Okay, no problem, I said fine i'll take a seat at one of the high tables - STRIKE ONE.

"Reserved"

Of course every 10 minutes I am glancing back at the "reserved" tables to see if anyone is there yet because that's the kind of chick I am and so far no one. Question Mr. Cheesecake, why is it that you PLAY THE MUSIC SO LOUD THAT I CANT EVEN HEAR MYSELF TALK IN  MY HEAD - HUH - WHAT YOU SAY? I couldn't really hear the waitress - STIKE TWO.

I actually really do enjoy the drinks and appetizers here but i always feel like the calorie counts are high. I like the Firecracker Salmon, Sweet Corn Tamale Cakes, Warm Crab Dip, Avocado Egg Roll or Fried Crab Balls.

Fried Crab

I ordered the crab balls and I actually enjoyed them. They came with a creamy dipping sauce.

I was in the mood for pasta so I ordered the Tomato Basil Pasta and when it arrived i was impressed - it looked great. Then I took my mouthful and I am not sure how this is even possible but it was completely tasteless. I lie to you not - it had NO i mean NO taste just like milk. I must have had a confused look on my face because the server asked was everything okay and believe it or not, its rare that I return a dish but guess what….yep. I explained how the pasta was sans taste and she got the same look on her face. STIKE THREE  I explained that it was not what I expected (because I actually like to taste my food). I mentioned that i must have had a different dish in mind (because I've never had anything that bad at Cheesecake Factory before). I tried to describe the dish but I could not find it on the menu. I mentioned that it was pasta with tomatoes and chicken. She said I think you mean the Shrimp and Pasta - which was wrong - but I said sure fine. I mean I like shrimp and i love pasta so what could go wrong right… long story short - STIKE FOUR

The Amazing Tasteless Tomato Pasta

I took a few fork fulls and decided to eat the bread. The manager came over, a young guy, and asked was everything okay. I mentioned how the food was tasteless and asked if the Chef had a chance to taste the dish. He mentioned that the Chef was just about to taste it when he stepped away. He then mentioned that they follow a recipe and that it should always taste the same. The only thing I could think is that okay Mr. Cheesecake, you either have a rogue Chef on your hands or make tasteless food. I just shrugged my shoulders and then he asked if I wanted anything else. I figured I would get my favorite cheesecake, the Tiramisu and the check. 

About 10 minutes later the server came back with the box and the check - no Cheesecake. I mentioned that I ordered the Tiramisu from the manager. I looked around and he was talking with someone next to the still empty "reserved" tables and forgot about the Tiramisu. - STRIKE 5-10.

I was in this place for about an hour and between the loud music, the food chaos and preoccupation with the "reserved" tables, I was a little stressed. I paid the check and headed out pass the invisible family at the "reserved" tables and thought, hmmmm, I guess now I am a snob too.

If you still want to go after reading this, take the orange line metro to Clarendon. If you're under 21 you'll probably enjoy it.